I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In America we eat man semen.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
