Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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