i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
