Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
