Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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