I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
