I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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