I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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