im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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