sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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