I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
