Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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