I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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