I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
