then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
