if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
