im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize