I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think people are normalizing furries
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
