the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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