I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize