you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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