I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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