i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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