This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
