i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
