Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
