everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
