I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
