when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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