He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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