how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
