Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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