Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
