Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you would pick up someone in the library
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
