i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
