The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
