apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
