Don't you send me to vm
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
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