Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
