she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
