Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
