Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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