My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
