Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
