so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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