Someone shit on the floor
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize