Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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