Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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