So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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