Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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