could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it penis luge time yet?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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