this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
