mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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