Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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