That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
