How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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