If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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