If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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