the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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