I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
