I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
