Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
