i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
