I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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