Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
