also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
