There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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