I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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